"It's the same story the crow told me, it's the only one he knows,
like the morning sun you come, like the wind you go,
ain't no time to hate, barely time to wait,
oh oh, all I want to know, where does the time go?"
- "Uncle John's Band" Grateful Dead.
It's been a fear I've dragged around for years that one day my extended family would need my help, at a time when I couldn't give it.
A few days ago my brother called and broke the news that our uncle John passed away from a heart attack at the age of forty-eight years old. A rock formed in my throat and the tears rushed up immediately. Growing up in Minnesota my uncle John was a central figure in my life and I can't imagine a kid having had a cooler guy for a playmate, sitter, big brother, etc...
Jon was into models, Star Trek, Star Wars, classic cars, you name it and he built a model of it. I used to sneak into his bedroom at Grandma and Grandpa's house when he was gone and play with Corvettes and fly the Enterprise around the room, until something broke. Then I would set it down and leave, but instead of getting in trouble when he found out, he would always just repair it and nothing else came of it. Jon was eleven years older than me and as he started growing into more grown up stuff, I marveled at how cool everything was that he was discovering. I remember after he got his first car, he purchased a siren that attached magnetically to the roof of the car. He took me along with him for a ride and before I knew it, the siren was blaring and we were scaring the shit out of kids all over South St. Paul. Then came the first fuzz buster I had ever seen, and now that I think back, everything in that car was like a new treasure to me. Not only did I hear my first Guns 'n' Roses and Beastie Boys cassettes in that car, but the very stereo systems and speakers they were played on became a new discovery. Jon was an electronics guy and he was constantly ripping out one system and replacing it with something different. The wires would be hanging out and I would hold the tape decks and examine all the parts.
When John enrolled in the military and left for Virginia, I lost my childhood hero and was pretty bummed. When he returned I was excited but things, as they always do, had changed. John had grown and found a relationship. Our lives often intermingled as I also grew and changed, and we still enjoyed each other's company. John had a big loving heart and never had anything but a smile to greet me with. When he was working as a security guard in the early nineties he brought home a big baby German Shepard one day. He was an intimidating looking guard dog except when he tried to bark all that would come out was a bunch of little squeaks. The security firm couldn't train him to play the role of mean doggie and from that day on, John and "Squeaks" were the epitome of man and his best friend.
As I grew and left home for college and eventually California, John and I saw each other only a few times, but as I think back, all I can remember was his smile and a hug before we said goodbye. Now that I no longer have you to hug uncle John, I'm left with some regret that I didn't see you more.
As I mentioned earlier, I've been dragging around a bag of fears for years that a time would come when my family would need my help, and I wouldn't be in a position to do so. That time has come. Uncle John and his big heart extended to his family, he cared for his sister, my aunt Anita. Without his support, the future is uncertain, and suddenly a fire was lit under my ass to do something about it.
For the last fifteen years I've been a struggling musician in so-cal. I'm in a band and I have a couple of albums out there in the world, but as of yet, it hasn't exactly brought home the bacon. I've written prolifically over the years and the notebooks of songs to-be-recorded have piled up in the garage, wondering if they will ever see the light. A few months ago I finally began typing up everything I thought worthy, in an attempt to create some organization in my music life. After I received the sad news, and the tears had finally subsided, I began, finally, dealing with the fear.
You have been a true angel in my life uncle John, and I'm sure it was your inspiration that sat me down at the keyboard and put my hands to work. In the last few days I've been typing, editing, and formatting, while my sons not-so-patiently for dad to pay attention to them. Seventy songs later, I'm happy and relieved to announce that I have published my first volume of songs in a book format. I need to step up and pick up where John left off and in an effort to do so, I'm donating a portion of every book sale to help care for my family. Here is the link, it is available on amazon and kindle.
http://www.amazon.com/Tristan-Songs-Sad-Child-Luhrs-ebook/dp/B00WA8SGLA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1429297689&sr=8-1&keywords=tristan+songs+of+the+sad
Thank you for the support. John, you've been a true angel in my life, rest always in peace, the world is a better place for having had you in it!